Week One: The MTC Isn't an Empty Sea At All

HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I am only allowed to email + write letters on mondays for half an hour total. So I'm just reading your email now and it brings me so much joy to hear from you! I'm so glad you're reading El Libro de Mormon!!! The family that prays together stays together.....

So, the MTC....the first couple of days, it was seriously the happiest place on earth. Seriously. SOOOO much learning, growing, loving, great people, amazing spirit. Going to bed early and waking up early is so awesome. It's how life should be. It feels so good. And yeah you're tired but it's not the impossible kind of tired where you can't go on and don't want to do anything, but the kind that you can do a few jumping jacks to shake off and keep moving on. The food is awesome but that's just the problem....it's buffet style and YOU SIT ALLLLLL DAY. That's all you do. You sit all day. Getting fat has never been easier. We use the gym every chance we get but some days we don't even have gym and by the time you finally get to eat you are starving, so.....I hope I don't get that fat. It's not a fun feeling being completely inactive all day. It also makes workouts super hard once you finally get to do them. But it's whatever, we make the best out of what we're given.

I can't believe I'm finally emailing, I've been waiting for this and have been so excited for it!

Mi companeras are AWESOME. My companion Hermana Alley is the sweetest cutest nicest little thing in the whole world and we get along GREAT. The other two girls who share our room are the only other girls in our district, and they are also awesome. We seriously have the best room. I love them. Our Elders are awesome too. We have a great district. I feel bad sometimes cause I feel like I'm not always the most perfectly reverent person.....but I'm pretty sure every single one of us struggles with that here......

IT's MADDDDD strict here. Like insane. It's been honestly super mega hard for me to humble myself to choose to be completely obedient to every rule. I like rules and I am willing to be obedient but have a very hard time with things like we can't cut our own hair, can't let our garments be showing when we walk out of the shower, can't sing in the cafeteria even hymns, and it just seems like I am told different rules by different leaders. Some say do this and don't do that, and others do that and say don't do this. So....I'm kinda like, I wanna be perfect but I also want to express my personality fully and not become a robot. We had an Elder tell us to not even have funny faces in pictures or laugh too much...........I feel like sometimes they tell us their opinion as to how we should act, personal takes on how to carry proper conduct, and call it general rules. I felt like I was being forced to become a robot and lose my personality and I wasn't too happy about it. My companion and I talked a lot about it and felt the same way. We came to the conclusion that you have to be yourself and enjoy your time or else you'll go crazy, you just have to make sure to strive to keep the spirit and do nothing to offend it, and know the line when it comes to humor and remember that there is a time and a place for everything. If you don't be yourself and embrace your personality, you'll go absolutely crazy and want to go home. I've had multiple RM's tell me that you MUST show people on your mission that you are real people, and just be yourself, so that they can relate to you and feel understood and feel like they can trust you and confide in you. I feel like this was really emphasized to me the whole year leading up to my mission. So it's hard because I want to be exactly obedient......I'll just be sure not to offend the sensitive spirit. That's all you have to be sure of. And then of course, following the rules to be safe.

The past couple days have been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard. A couple nights ago I had a dream that made me SUPER homesick, which honestly in all my days of college I've never been the homesick type. But when I was jolted out of my sleep and realized I was in the MTC, I was super depressed. That kind of set the tone the rest of the day and on top of struggling with the rules, my morale has really been super down. Thoughts that I don't want to be here, this is awful, why am I doing this, am I meant for this, do I really have what it takes, I hate this, I need a break, I need help.............

Then last night, we had a devotional by Brother Stephen B. Allen. He was hilarious and had us all laughing, which I needed. He talked all about my problem....how if you're feeling like you don't want to be here, you're thinking only of yourself. He said you need to focus on others instead and on serving them, and that SAtan is doing EVERYTHING he can to push EVERY SINGLE ONE of your buttons. Heck yeah he is! But he said you need to remember the Savior always and care more about others. After his talk I felt soooooooooooo much better and realized I was worrying about myself and complaining and feeling bad for myself and that needs to change if I want to be happy. It made my day. We then all watched a movie about Joseph Smith and that was a really nice break.

Yesterday our fast and testimony meeting was only in Spanish. It was really hard because we all had waited all week for that sweet relief from your cares that sacrament meeting brings, and had to sit there and hear only Spanish. Even hearing English hymns in the next room over made my heart ache and tears flow. But it was awesome....I understood what everyone was saying and bore my own testimony in Spanish.

Yo se que Dios es nuestro Padre Celestial. Se que su Hijo Jesucristo es el Salvador y el Redentor y tiene mucho amor para todos los hijos en el mundo. Tengo gracias para mi familia, y todos estos bendiciones, y para la oppurtunidad para apprender y progressar. En el nombre de Jesucristo, amen.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I need them so much and can't do this without you.

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelsie :)